Fifteen usually looks like reluctantly racing to finish homework or meeting up with friends at the mall — you know, typical teenager stuff. But when Stacy — most widely known as Ekkstacy on stage — was fifteen, he was beginning to lay the roots for a fruitful musical career. Many artists in his position share similar backstories of unexpectedly falling into long-term relationships with their musical passions. But for Stacy, this was no accident.

The funny thing about Stacy is that, at first glance, his ambiance comes off as just that: assertive and commanding. He loomed over those on set at an unconfirmed height (I assumed he had to be clearing 6 feet with ease), and his tattoos enshrouded his virgin skin, yielding a tough persona. But after our conversation took off, it was clear that I had judged this book by his generous stature and sheath of forever ink. He was anything but authoritative, and it became apparent to me that he’s probably often misunderstood.

I was met with a tired and somewhat guarded persona. He had landed that morning from a red-eye — I chalked it up to exhaustion. He followed my inquiries with a gentle voice and used my questions as a launchpad through which he could reflect on his mental health, addiction, and self-improvement. After concluding our interview, I was sure that Ekkstacy is definitely misunderstood.

When I asked the artist about his musical origins, he alluded to SoundCloud emo-rap experimentations. “It didn’t always come naturally to me,” he opened up, “Not the act of singing, but singing in front of people. I was nervous.” I mean, even his stage name is a misnomer. He didn’t seem to be imbued with a natural sense of ecstasy — instead, he started off a bit reserved, keeping his cards close to his chest. I thought that maybe his stage name symbolizes what he hopes to one day achieve: a sense of balance and happiness. That begs the question: can he uncover that by way of music?

Whether it’s his recently dropped album forever, or NEGATIVE, one of the musician's earlier projects, it's clear that he pours his emotions into his writing through lyrics like, “My voice is nothing when I’m screaming out for help,” and “I run, I fall — the rain won’t go away.” “I think a lot of my writing, honestly, is negative. I don’t think much of it is about any positive feelings. But I don’t know how to write anything else,” he shared.

There are a few songs on his records that could be interpreted as love songs, like “in love” or “luv of my life” — but even the latter oscillates between lyrics representing elation and the words, “I’m gonna kill myself.” I was struck by a glaring sense of duality within his discography. We all know that love songs aren’t always love songs. Love can be just as excruciating as it can be exhilarating. Upbeat melodies juxtapose his dark, meditative lyrics, proving that a sense of polarity is an essential element of his artistry. He explained that this is rarely intentional — he lets his intuition guide his musical choices, but he did agree that duality is a recurring theme throughout his life.

As we continued conversing, I started to see why. His personal anecdotes began to show the emotional, human side of Ekkstacy that he usually hides behind his music. I asked him about his most outlandish tattoo story — during this retelling, it was the first time I heard him laugh.

“One time, I was in Paris with friends. I was getting [the tattoo] in a weird area — right near my groin. I’ve never met these people in the studio, and they didn’t speak English. It was a really scary spot. There were a lot of drugs in there. Spooky vibes. We were all freaked out, but we decided fuck it. We went across the street, bought some bottles of wine, and then we felt better. We went back to get the tattoos, and all of a sudden, they all started speaking English. They started laughing with us and talking about Rick and Morty [laughs].”

It was an account that reminded me that, behind the punk-rock facade, he’s still a guy in his early twenties, navigating life for the first time like the rest of us. He began to open up even more. He expressed that songwriting used to be therapeutic for him, but in recent months, he’d been having trouble assuaging anxiety-fueled thoughts. He turned to a remedy that was a bit stiffer.

“Honestly, I had a bad year last year, and I probably made the least music in the last year compared to my whole seven years [in the industry],” he lamented, “I kind of gave up on everything, and I started using a lot. Then it got to the point where that didn’t really help anymore, which it usually always did. I didn’t want to take the next steps to heavier shit. So I decided to get pretty much clean.”

I asked if he felt that better horizons were ahead. “Much better,” he confirmed. And it seemed that this more optimistic outlook spurred new musical horizons as well. Though he shared some of his condemnations of the industry as a whole — the pressures it places upon artists and the red tape he’s had to navigate, he candidly expressed, “Nothing can take away the joy of making something cool.” And going into his future projects, that’s exactly what he aims to do.

As for where he hopes to venture next — both sonically and on the pursuit of happiness, he shared, “I don’t really think or care about the legacy stuff. I just want to be healthy and feel better. I’m sure the music will do what it does on its own. The shit I liked when I was a kid, I’ll probably like it forever. So I’m sure the people who liked my shit when they were younger will probably also like it forever,” he continued, “The past version of myself would be stoked. It’s hard to keep up with it all, but I did exactly what I said I was going to do. I just need to treat myself better.”

This gentleness was echoed in his most recent release, a deluxe version of forever called forever and always. The project highlights acoustic cuts, showing a different facet of the artist — one that I’m hoping we’ll get to peel the curtain back on further in his upcoming drops. Our conversation concluded, and Stacy prepared to return to his hotel. He mentioned that he was headed to LA next, where he hoped to surf and take his mind off of things. As such, his pursuit of happiness continues. But first, a nap.